Ground to a halt
I started off in November with all good intentions, and actually wrote about 4 chapters. I got to the point in the story when Fiend is starting to show his true colours - he was out on a "job" with William and Jake and a shopkeeper was being a bit mouthy with them - they are not real bad gangsters after all. Recker was only supposed to be there as a passenger, but after the brothers left the shop, they caught the old man back inside, physically abusing the shopkeeper. They thought it was a great laugh, because they don't know he's not an ordinary old man, and that it's just the start of something bad.
The story seemed to be going well. But then I just stopped. That was seven months ago.
Lazy or Stupid
At first, I thought I was just taking a break. I realised I wasn't going to get the thing written in November, so the time-limit disappeared. Something about the plot or setup was irritating me, and putting me off returning to it. This has happened to me umpteen times, so it was depressingly familiar. I was on the brink of giving up on it. I don't seem to have what it takes to be a regular writer. All that self-obsessed wallowing, was I lazy, stupid, could I even write? Etc.
Months Passed
And I didn't return to it after Christmas. It became obvious that I really didn't want to return to it, and the disappointment at my familiar cop out just made me avoid thinking about it for a long time. Something was irritating me, and I couldn't put my finger on it.
Look Closely
So now, at last, I am looking again. I just read the four chapters again, and winced at how badly they are written. The first chapter in itself is awful. It gets slightly better near the end, but the language and structure is awful. I do a horrible big personality reveal when Jake first meets Recker in the church and explains why he doesn't like conflict - this should have been kept as a reveal for later. The fire at the church in chapter three needed Reddo's graffito to explain who the arsonist was, which was clumsy and contrived - again this needs to be suspected, and hinted at - not telegraphed.
By the middle of the fourth chapter, where I stopped, the story was indeed rocking along, despite these hiccups. The dynamics between the characters was fine, needed work, but still OK. So what was annoying me?
Too big to ignore for long
There are two areas where I was finding this tough going, and the distance of a few months has allowed them to loom large for me.
Vague and woolly
Every book or article I have read about writing tells you that your main character has to be a human plus plus, in that they are an exaggerated normal human. If they feel something, they feel it more keenly than a normal person. If they react, they react more strongly. If they have a temper, it's a stinking temper. They aren't hesitant, they are brave. They don't avoid, they confront. They go and look at that scary attic room when the reader is shouting at them not to.
In my attempt to make Jake complex, I've also made him a sap. He's hesitant and cowardly. He seems to understand the cause of his hang-ups but doesn't try to change them. He's given up trying. While this may be an interesting and even realistic psychological profile, it makes for a boring and static main character.
All the other characters apart from him are more likeable and interesting, and that is bad. There is something not feasible about a main character who has these flaws, and it's making it extremely difficult to write him as a character,
Taboo
The other problem I have is structural. If you look back at my synopsis, you see that the seeds of conflict are sown 20 years ago in the backstory. Recker has a child, a daughter, who turns out to be Jake's half sister - unknown to either of them, or even Recker. To then have them involved sexually at the start of the book is just too icky. Yes, it's gritty, tough, and provides conflict, but it also involved the main character in an unseemly and disgusting accidental incest story-line which is colouring my thinking every time I write a scene with them.
When Elaine talks with Recker, she is explaining there is nothing in the bedroom between her and Jake. This is simply there to reduce the ick factor. I think it was a mistake to try to shoehorn this plot twist in there just to provoke crisis. It's a step too far. It's not necessary for the story. And worst of all, it's putting me off writing it.
So what now?
So what to do about this? This is the second time I've tried to write Fiend, and the second time I've failed utterly. The first one failed because I tried to make it a hokey supernatural book. This one failed because in my attempt to inject complexity into the characters, I introduced contrived scenarios which added nothing to the plot.
Is it done for Fiend? I think, for now, yes.
Time to move on.
